Ramblings, Faith and GOOD News

FAITH

Faith is not thinking God can fix things
its knowing he will.

This works for me
I have prayed for a break
I have prayed for my Health
I have prayed to live longer
I have prayed so hard to be here longer for my children that
has been my real prayer, a prayer that gives my children more
time with me their mumma and their mumma more time with
her babies.

I lost my dad at an early age and I don't wish that on my babies
or anyone.
The pain is excruciating, the loss unbearable the memory
forever leaves a hole and an emptiness in your Heart like no other.
It is although the circle of life and I do accept that.

Faith has carried me through the loss of loved ones.
Faith has given me strength through loosing my innocence to evil.
Faith defines the peace that I feel in my heart that gives me
reason to believe everything happens for a reason and helps me
through those situations.
Faith keeps me trying to be the very best person that I can be, for
me and for all of the amazing people whom I have personal contact
with the people whom I am related too,
the friends that I cherish with all that I am,
the babies that I gave birth too,
and the love of my life whom I adore.

Faith is my friend, my loyal companion and my saviour
from all of the things that try to keep me down and make
me question the universe. Faith is not something I usually
discuss, its mine its private, BUT...........

The last few months have been tough, they have been tough
on everyone.

This blog has helped me release, it has helped me make
connections with amazing people it has been a crutch through
my latest journey especially with treatment.

Okay this all sounds very solemn and sad and I am feeling a
little sombre.
I told Ben if the news from the specialist was bad then we
would re-evaluate our relationship.
To clarify my last statement I need you understand the
circumstances that brought me to this conclusion.
Ben is seven years younger than me (I know toy boy, giggle)
Ben hasn't any biological children of his own.
I have always felt a burden with my chronic illness.
I have always felt that it was my fault that Ben gave up his
chance to have kids of his own. I had a Hysterectomy and
feel guilty that I was and am unable to bear his kids.
So with life being so difficult and me being me,
I decided that I couldn't allow this to continue if the news
was to be one of no hope.

I thought that one day his decision would be one he would
regret and he would feel cheated by it and me.
I didn't want that.
No children and no me and the time he would waste standing
by me awaiting the inevitable with no chance of any kind of
long term hope was too much for me to bear,
a burden I refused to carry.
Despite Ben's concern and arguments to the contrary,
I refused to be a part of that.
Hence my decision previously outlined.

Now you might call it silly, selfish, stupid or all of the
above and you would probably have Ben agreeing wholeheartedly
with you but I have had a lot of time to consider this decision
and it was like that was the only thing I had control of during all of this.

BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>> You will be glad to hear that Ben is staying.

Faith in my treatment and myself has been given a boost today.

The last 15 weeks have been really hard.
There were times I just wanted to stop, curl up go to sleep and wake
up when it was all over. As most of you know I have been waiting to
hear from my specialist about news of how my treatment is going.
Well I am here with a big juicy grin and an incredible sense of hope
in my heart.

The best possible news I could of received was going to be that there
is no detectable Hep c virus in my blood. If this was the case by
approximately the 12 week mark, my cure expectancy sits at about
85% with treatment continuing until October. If my white cell count
holds steady and my platelets continue to be stable then all is more
than hopeful.
This what I have prayed for this what friends and family have prayed
for.

THIS is exactly what I got.....YES Guys you heard me correctly.

THERE...IS....NO....DETECTABLE...VIRUS...IN...MY...BLOOD>

Can you believe it??????????
I am so incredibly HAPPY.
I now have a chance of living longer and better and longer and better.
Its a Huge chance its a huge blessing that I am so grateful for I can
hardly describe how this lessens the burden in my heart.
The news is amazing. I have passed my first hurdle, it is a huge
mile stone and an incredible gift.
I will cherish every sick and bad day for next 8 or so months.
I have a long road ahead(still) and I will always have the genetic
trait of Liver Disease and I am prone to cancer and I DO NOT CARE
I have been given an opportunity to fight and not just give in.
I intend to take it.

My wise and wonderful friend Darlene has recently asked everyone
not to take their health for granted. I have done this before as well
but I feel compelled to remind you that we all need to remember and
acknowledge what we are grateful for. To embrace the blessings in our
lives as to remind ourselves of how fortunate we are even during
difficult times.

I am grateful and full of HOPE on this night.

My prayer for you all is that you find peace in your heart, in your
situation and use it to dig down deep and find Faith during any
kind of personal struggle you may be dealing with and find solace
with it.

Thank you all for helping me get here I honestly don't know how
I would of made it through without you all.

Now on that subject, Tuesday my sweet soul sister Deb is going in
for her first of 2 surgeries for this year please pray for her to have a

full

recovery with
no complications.

We all have our struggles but I believe we can get through it all with
friends faith and love.



Peace and Health to All xxxxx