Monday, February 19, 2007

Ramblings, Faith and GOOD News

FAITH

Faith is not thinking God can fix things

its knowing he will.

This works for me
I have prayed for a break

I have prayed for my Health
I have prayed to live longer
I have prayed so hard to be here longer for my children that
has been my real prayer, a prayer that gives my children more
time with me their mumma and their mumma more time with
her babies.

I lost my dad at an early age and I don't wish that on my babies
or anyone.
The pain is excruciating, the loss unbearable the memory
forever leaves a hole and an emptiness in your Heart like no other.
It is although the circle of life and I do accept that.

Faith has carried me through the loss of loved ones.
Faith has given me strength through loosing my innocence to evil.
Faith defines the peace that I feel in my heart that gives me
reason to believe everything happens for a reason and helps me
through those situations.
Faith keeps me trying to be the very best person that I can be, for
me and for all of the amazing people whom I have personal contact
with the people whom I am related too,
the friends that I cherish with all that I am,
the babies that I gave birth too,
and the love of my life whom I adore.

Faith is my friend, my loyal companion and my saviour
from all of the things that try to keep me down and make
me question the universe.
Faith is not something I usually
discuss, its mine its private, BUT...........

The last few months have been tough, they have been tough

on everyone.

This blog has helped me release, it has helped me make

connections with amazing people it has been a crutch through
my latest journey especially with treatment.

Okay this all sounds very solemn and sad and I am feeling a

little sombre.
I told Ben if the news from the specialist was bad then we

would re-evaluate our relationship.
To clarify my last statement I need you understand the

circumstances that brought me to this conclusion.
Ben is seven years younger than me (I know toy boy, giggle)
Ben hasn't any biological children of his own.
I have always felt a burden with my chronic illness.
I have always felt that it was my fault that Ben gave up his

chance to have kids of his own. I had a Hysterectomy and
feel guilty that I was and am unable to bear his kids.
So with life being so difficult and me being me,
I decided that I couldn't allow this to continue if the news
was to be one of no hope.

I thought that one day his decision would be one he would

regret and he would feel cheated by it and me.
I didn't want that.
No children and no me and the time he would waste standing

by me awaiting the inevitable with no chance of any kind of
long term hope was too much for me to bear,
a burden I refused to carry.
Despite Ben's concern and arguments to the contrary,

I refused to be a part of that.
Hence my decision previously outlined.

Now you might call it silly, selfish, stupid or all of the

above and you would probably have Ben agreeing wholeheartedly
with you but I have had a lot of time to consider this decision
and it was like that was the only thing I had control of during all of this.

BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>> You will be glad to hear that Ben is staying.

Faith in my treatment and myself has been given a boost today.

The last 15 weeks have been really hard.

There were times I just wanted to stop, curl up go to sleep and wake
up when it was all over. As most of you know I have been waiting to
hear from my specialist about news of how my treatment is going.
Well I am here with a big juicy grin and an incredible sense of hope

in my heart.

The best possible news I could of received was going to be that there

is no detectable Hep c virus in my blood. If this was the case by
approximately the 12 week mark, my cure expectancy sits at about
85% with treatment continuing until October. If my white cell count
holds steady and my platelets continue to be stable then all is more
than hopeful.
This what I have prayed for this what friends and family have prayed

for.

THIS is exactly what I got.....YES Guys you heard me correctly.

THERE...IS....NO....DETECTABLE...VIRUS...IN...MY...BLOOD>

Can you believe it??????????
I am so incredibly HAPPY.
I now have a chance of living longer and better and longer and better.
Its a Huge chance its a huge blessing that I am so grateful for I can

hardly describe how this lessens the burden in my heart.
The news is amazing. I have passed my first hurdle, it is a huge

mile stone and an incredible gift.
I will cherish every sick and bad day for next 8 or so months.
I have a long road ahead(still) and I will always have the genetic

trait of Liver Disease and I am prone to cancer and I DO NOT CARE
I have been given an opportunity to fight and not just give in.
I intend to take it.

My wise and wonderful friend Darlene has recently asked everyone

not to take their health for granted. I have done this before as well
but I feel compelled to remind you that we all need to remember and
acknowledge what we are grateful for. To embrace the blessings in our
lives as to remind ourselves of how fortunate we are even during
difficult times.

I am grateful and full of HOPE on this night.

My prayer for you all is that you find peace in your heart, in your

situation and use it to dig down deep and find Faith during any
kind of personal struggle you may be dealing with and find solace
with it.

Thank you all for helping me get here I honestly don't know how

I would of made it through without you all.

Now on that subject, Tuesday my sweet soul sister Deb is going in

for her first of 2 surgeries for this year please pray for her to have a
full
recovery with
no complications.

We all have our struggles but I believe we can get through it all with

friends faith and love.



Peace and Health to All xxxxx







16 Comments:

At 9:42 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

wonderful wonderful the power of prayer and hope and faith works. sending you warm and fuzzies across the interweb, shazzy,,,,,,,poet.

 
At 1:03 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is FANTASTIC WONDERFUL AMAZING news! I'm So HAPPY for you! God is absolutely SO GOOD!
Faith in our Lord and Prayer is what is healing you my friend! You are on your way to Full recovery so that you can enjoy your life with your beautiful family!

Have a Great day! (I know you will!)
:-D

 
At 1:34 am , Blogger Deb R said...

Shaz, sweetie, this is WONDERFUL news!!!! I'm so happy for you!!! ::::twirl:::: Yay!

PS...about the comment you left me about the art swap thingy, that's absolutely fine - whenever. I'm not at all worried about it, so don't stress. :-)

 
At 3:27 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am SO thrilled to read this Shaz. The power of prayer and faith, plus community, is amazing. So thrilled!!!!!

Yeah!!! Doing the happy dance...

dd/sandy xoxoxo

 
At 3:56 am , Blogger Claire said...

AMAZING news sweetie - I am thrilled for you! Prayers and love and good vibes being sent your way!

As always!

Cxx

 
At 6:53 am , Blogger Vanessa said...

Oh momma! Momma! MOMMA!! This is wonderful news. This makes me SO happy!!!

You are sooo STRONG!!! And, yes, your faith is obviously leading you where you deserve to be!

You had me in tears at the start of this post... I so desperately wanted good news for you and for a moment there you had me really worried. I know that Ben would want to be with you no matter what. I am so pleased things are looking good for you and your family. They must be over the moon :)

A few days ago when Darlene posted photos of Mark on the road to recovery, I was thrilled to say that that was the best post I had EVER read… I still smile when I think of it! Well, things just keep getting better for my dear bloggy lovelies… because this now ranks right up there with D's post... the best blog news ever… only to be topped by the post that you’ll be posting eight months from now when your treatment’s all over and you’ve got the all clear. I just can’t wait to see that post!
Lovely, lovely Shazzy. You are Sweetness personified. How I treasure your good news, your sense of humour, your posts and your kind e-mail words.

Congratulations on your great news!
Vanessa
xxx

 
At 8:37 am , Blogger claireylove said...

WOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sending you out love - GO SHAZ!

 
At 12:08 pm , Blogger ::Bek Geach:: said...

Whoot whoot whooot whooot.
I am so happy to hear this news.
Nath is so delighted also.
He was really joyous and pumped when I got home last night, I was a little puzzelled, untill he said that you had called and shared the conversation. We are both SO HAPPY for you sweets. You and Yours.

I will give you a call tonight.
((hugs)) and love angel.
Bx

 
At 12:51 pm , Blogger JP (mom) said...

I have heaps of faith in you!! Beautiful woman who is healing (thank God) you are such a beautiful soul & I am SO thankful that the test results came back with good news.
Thank you for your prayers for me and for your love ... I will get better because I too have faith and besides, we're going to be old grannys one day & I'll be pouring the port!
Love ya lots! Deb

 
At 11:54 pm , Blogger angela said...

I'm sighing such a sigh of relief. That is the best news.
I'm so happy for you I could cry. Maybe I will.
Lots of love,
Angela

 
At 4:00 am , Blogger awareness said...

Hi Shaz......I left a comment and it went the way of ether or something!!

I am so pleased you received such wonderful news. I didn't know what you were dealing with, but thought perhaps it was the Hep C treatment based on your descriptions and my knowledge of it from some of the beautiful human beings I work with. It is truly hell.........but OMG!! It's working for you!! How wonderful..........

I love your post......and your heart spilling description of your faith. You are a bright light, my dear.....! You truly are......all the way down in the land of Oz....

take care.

dana

 
At 10:31 am , Blogger Becca said...

Such wonderful news, and I share in the rejoicing with you!

You wrote so beautifully of the way faith has helped you deal with your illness and will help you complete your recovery. Thank you for sharing this wonderful testimony...

 
At 11:36 am , Blogger Whitesnake said...

Ah yes, yea of little faith...

Isn't it amazing how we go through all that drama and stress just to find out everything is ok.

Makes ya wonder eh?

 
At 2:33 am , Blogger bee said...

YAY

oh, shaz....it's a bit late but i am so so happy for you. you deserve every blessed moment of relief.

(hugs)

 
At 2:59 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet you~ I have sooooo very late in commenting....I have not read blogs all week. This made me cry...all kinds of emotions swirling about as I read it. Email coming...and lots of love....and oh my goodness, a huge congratulations!!!!!

xoxoxoxo

 
At 11:54 am , Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

YIPEEEEE!!!!!! I am clapping and dancing and smiling and oh so very happy.

What terrific news.

And I will not take my health for granted.

I send prayers and gratitude.

Love you baby

 

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