Tired Ramblings Of Guilt and Annoyance

Blessings, how does one measure the blessings in their life?

Is their a measuring stick to which we use?
Is there a scale of what is good and what is bad?
Do we go by the fortune or misfortune of others?
How do you measure your standing in this life?
Do you consider your self blessed and Why?

I am also curious about the internal thoughts and dialogue that we have with our selves.
All the positive chatter and expression through language and words to other people is nothing if our Heart and Soul are not connecting with our true feelings.
I think my biggest hurdle is honesty about myself and my limitations of thinking I am superwoman and giving my self a break and permission to say no. (guilt free)

To explain. I am Honest.. I will tell you honestly what I think when you ask.
I would never lie to save my self and hurt someone else.
My problem with Honesty lays somewhere between my head my heart and my mouth.
All in relation to others perceptions of me.
I do not think that is a bad thing sometimes but I have had trouble with that, people taking advantage of me because I think I can do everything. (I feel I have to sometimes)

I sometimes am not sure if people are being honest with me or if they even really give a shit.
Sometimes people get so consumed with themselves and so selfish. They never experience the joy of giving without expectation.
I have always loved to give, whether it was money love or material possessions.

I always felt my biggest gift, yet least appreciated gift was TIME.

Why is it people need to see to receive, why do they need to feel it in their hands, why cannot they feel it in their hearts.
I am so in-tune with time and gestures and I hope I come across as appreciative as I am.
The thought of taking someone for granted and them feeling it would crush me.
I am such a toughie on the outside with a tongue of nine tails at injustice but I am sincere.
I do care, I do feel, and I think other true hearted people see that.(but not all people)

I have some old friends though that take me for what I portray to them. That’s my honesty problem they ask I say yes (even to my own detriment as not to hurt their feelings) when I feel they should know or see in their Hearts it is just to much for me but they allow me to do it anyway and I act for them.
I know this is my fault but?
Can they not see or do they just really don’t care or is it they are blinded by the fact I never say no and I am always the first to lend a hand if at all possible.
I am not one to complain after I have said yes when I should have said no but being taken for granted hurts, and a little fore thought would not go astray.

One is to make them worry less or not feel so bad about being happy or healthy.
I do not feel sorry for myself nor do I resent things going well for other people.
In fact it is the good in others lives that keeps me positive, smiling and Happy.
Especially when mine is not so great I am sometimes envious but its usually of different things like poems art creative expression, Not money or houses or cars and the like.
If I cant be truly Happy for someone close to me who is doing well what kind of person would that make me?
Statistically I am not sure but there are people like that people who victimize him or herself and they are miserable in someone else’s joy through Jealousy.
I cannot stand that I hate it and I have learnt to hate as little as possible, it is an extremely difficult emotion to change or even dissect it is a strong powerful and an ugly emotion due to carelessness on one or both sides of a situation. Carelessness in our relationships with others is, we tend to become vulnerable and lazy.
We take for granted what is staring us in the face, relationships are lost and bonded over these issues.
Do you give as much as you get?
Do you give just to get?
Are you happy just to give?
Do you feel overwhelmed and grateful by receiving?

Why are you blessed and have you told someone close today how much you appreciate their efforts thoughts or comments, a little goes a long way.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you could be doing today, tomorrow may never come.

Ramblings of my pain filled mind, whom is doing better so don’t worry just a lot of bits and pieces that needed outing for me to be clearer and put some actions into place for the well being of me. Guilt tends to consume me when my heart tells me different.

Finding the right Balance isn't as easy as it is sometimes portrayed.

Cheers to Honesty and Guilt free Balance

Peace and Health To All xxx