Its only Hair...
What does this picture have you envision??????
To me, It evokes fear, sadness and an inability to embrace change.
I still do not understand my problem with cutting my hair. I have a problem with my girls cutting their hair also, so I do agree I have a problem.
Putting that weirdness aside, I am facing a fear of mine tomorrow at 1pm.
Today I made an appointment for the hairdresser. I was originally going to just do it just cut it all off and be done with it. Since then the tears have flowed and the anxiety has risen. I feel sick in the pit of my stomach and my chest hurts. I have since thought I might do it in two stages as I am not dealing well with the thought of having short hair. I feel really bad about it. I feel weird, disgusted and ashamed. I have talked about this before but now its time to take control. Bite the bullet as it were.
I think its ridiculous that I feel this way. I am such a sook and honestly I am not after sympathy. I just feel more comfortable expressing myself through here. Ben obviously sees the tears and that's okay but I try not to carry on to much as its hard to talk about. I am nervous and the anticipation is making me sick. Its unnatural to me to have short hair I haven't had it since I was a little kid and I have never been this size either so this is just a huge emotional battle. I don't remember ever feeling this bad about myself, ever. I feel so ungrateful. I feel as though I should just shut the hell up and realize how lucky I am. I do, I really do its just hard.
This whole process is really testing the boundaries of who I am. It is testing me mentally, physically and emotionally. I am still smiling I still laugh, I am not totally just feeling sorry for myself but this is hard. Cutting my hair tomorrow is going to be the biggest test of all for me. That statement alone makes me feel ridiculous and I am embarrassed but I always said I would be honest and I am. I sugar coat my realities sometimes. I always say I'm okay. I do present myself as if I can handle anything and I can, really I can. I just have to admit this is really difficult.
I want to say its only hair, its only hair and mean it.
Wish me luck friends and I will post photos after its done. I think !!!!
Peace and Health To You All xxxx
posted by Shaz @ Tuesday, March 20, 2007
9 Comments
9 Comments:
{{{{{Shaz}}}}} I hope you know that we'll think you look beautiful no matter what. (I mean that quite seriously and literally.) Sending lots of good thoughts your way~~~~~
I must have missed something: why are you having your hair cut if you don't want to?
Second thing, you've such a lovely bone structure short will look really cool on you and you might also like the convenience.
Thirdly: it WILL grow again.
So let's see those photos!
Angela
I must have missed something: why are you having your hair cut if you don't want to?
Second thing, you've such a lovely bone structure short will look really cool on you and you might also like the convenience.
Thirdly: it WILL grow again.
So let's see those photos!
Angela
Hi Shaz. I have in the past at various times, cut my hair short. I was always nervous about it because my identity in part to me was having longer hair.
What I have been totally amazed by, is when I wanted to keep it short, how often I would have to cut it, because hair just grows fast.
I'm not sure but I think you are cutting it because the treatment is thinning it out. I also know that after the treatment, it will come back even thicker and grow faster.
But emotionally..I totally understand your fear and resistance about this. For women, I think all of us identify our woman-hood with our hair for some reason. Possibly looking at lots of pictures of women with short hair and how good they look maybe could help.
I'll be sending you lots of hugs...hope tomorrow isn't too hard on you...
dd/s
Oh honey, your reaction to this is so understandable. With everything that you are going through, you want to feel good about yourself. You have every right to feel sad about this; I know that I would too. It is not shallow, and it does not mean that you are not grateful. As I see it, the two have nothing to do with each other. I will be thinking of you and wishing you peace as you take this difficult step.
Embrace the new "sassy" you sweet Shaz...because ALL OF US will be embracing it. You are a beautiful person...ALL of you.
Much love. xoxoxoxo
My mom has that thing about my hair too... and her granddaughter's hair too... even my sons, her grandsons... she (and I) wants their hair long-ish all the time :)
That and the fact that a friend of mine once told me it was my best asset have made me completely incapable of cutting mine short ever either.
Shazzy sweetie, I don't know what to say. Except that I'm right there beside you, smiling bravely for you and holding your hand :)
You are going to look great... and even though this is probably one of the hardest things you have ever purposely done, you are going to feel good about it after a while. And if you cry your eyes out for a day or so ( I know I would), and take a while to get used to the person looking back from the other side of the mirror, that's ok too.
Love galore for you,
Vanessa
Hi Shaz,
You won't recognise the name but I was formerly known as Madame Butterfly so come visit me at karenangelwithoutwings.blogspot.comand we can have a cuppa together and a chat.
We all have our little thing that makes us feel vulnerable and yours is obviously your hair. You don't have to justify the way you feel to anyone especially not your family and all your friends because everyone will still love you cos your you.
I've got the kettle on so pop on over.
I've left a couple of messages.. by now you will have been to the hairdressers.
I'll call you again a bit later.
(hugs) and love...
Bx
Hair today gone tomorrow....
I'm getting a bald patch does that make ya feel better.......
LOL
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