Am I the only one with out PHOTO SHOP???????

Okay this is me today no makeup nothing to hide behind, lying down on my mattress on the floor. When I look at this Picture......
In a French accent I hear OH Mon Cherie' you are so bewdiful' I want to kiss you all over your Hoh hoh Hoh.
In reality its..... Fuk this sheila looks like a dogs dinner mate, give er a big miss ay. HE He he

I don't do photo shop, mainly cause I don't have it (snicker) but I cringe at posting photos.
I have never been that comfortable with them but I do make an effort for history you know. However I try to be choosy (not in this instance OBVIOUSLY ), digital cameras and "delete" are the best inventions ever, showing how I really am and displaying my self as "real" visually is very new to me, being real through my words are easy.
Looking at me like this is kinda funny really...........I mean HELLO?
I look at it and go oooooooh you look yukky.
Do I feel as bad as I look? OR Do I look as bad as I feel?
I don't sit and look at myself when I am sick,
(no I do not cry in front of the mirror either, ok maybe once or twice but we all do that don't we? if you don't .....SHhhhh) but I do wonder when others look at me, Do they really see how bad I feel? or should I toughen up, cover my dark circles with concealer, open my eyes with liner and mascara and smile through gritted teeth.
Or do I take a snap and say when I look back YEP!!! I really did feel the way I looked. (Smile)Poor Ben when we have to go out. I say lifting my head off the pillow do you think I need make-up?? He smiles and tells me his well rehearsed NO HONEY You look fine, shit I mean good, you look Beautiful.
Mmmmm The truth or a lie? I weigh up what I want to hear in my head and I think for him its a no win situation.
If he says yes I cry and wonder why he doesn't want to be seen with me, its not my fault I am sick and look like Horse Shit. I shouldn't have to put on a mask.
If he says no I know hes lying and he should know I hate lies and I don't want to be seen like this and it sucks and I am over it and it sucks and and and it just F*%k#N SUX.
I am still some where in between depending on my mood and how well Bens rehearsed.
So there this is me and my day today sucked like a few lately.
But I do have to say, the sun was shining bright as it filtered through the blinds, the breeze swept through the down stairs window with a crispness of winter pending and it smelt fresh, like a new beginning. At least I noticed that's got to be something HuH?

I can be open through my words and thoughts and memories, even my past, but little pieces are easily hidden and kept secret, and you will know only as much as I want to let be known all though it will always be the truth.
I can, if I choose, sugar coat things a little, not mention leave out some of the details and lets just say dumb it down a little. That's what Make-up does for me also I can hide the imperfections and paint on a different outlook hide just enough to look okay on the outer edges.
Keep up the facade. At the moment I just cant be stuffed and I don't care(that's not a bad thing its a good thing, really its just another step through this journey of discovery)
I am good with this as long as I don't think about what YOUR going to think of the raw me.
If I was Vain (which we all agreed I AM NOT, Right?) then I would have just pushed Delete. I am better than that and this is how I look today and today needed to be documented in all the glory of suckiness, LoL is that a word?

Photos are different aren't they??? Different to words I mean.
I cant hide behind an analogy or a hidden meaning. I am just there being honest
(and a little ugly) Never the less Honest ;-}

I have decided by this, how I look at this moment does not mean I am ugly and I don't have to look good every day I just have to be me. (I am under here just heading for the light)
I have had migraines for the last two weeks or so.
I am having staph breakouts on my face now, up my nose, down into my throat and they are painful and not real pretty, it is under control though and it does look good at the moment (no comparative photos, thank god) maybe I am a little vain
I can keep the migraines semi manageable with lotsa lotsa drugs..............but this annoys me as my liver is supposed to filter the drugs that I have to have to counteract the drug induced symptoms that I am suffering from and then I have more stuff for the staph infection.
It seems some days are just a vicious circle but we all have days like these huh?
You maybe don't look as beautiful as I do on these days but none the less we all have them ;-)

I would give you a big cheesey grin but it would hardly be as dramatic now would it?
SOooooo I will leave you with that cutie up the top of this post and go to sleep smiling and dreaming of the photos that get takin when I have on lots of make-up and look HOT BABY!!!

Peace and MOST of all HEALTH

Prayers and Blessings_ Laughter and Hugs_ OH and Make-Up Yay

PS. Are these Webdings a secret?????????? I just found them how Kool abcdefghikjlmnoqwertyupzxn,./';[=23456=`/1