Unsettled.............................

Uncle Charlie when Danicka was 4 days old.
I'm unsettled and water logged from more than just the rain. I didn’t think anything could spoil my mood as I am so grateful to be up and about 9 days of feeling really good cant change the fact that mind and heart is in turmoil.
I refer back to this.

Dreams are a constant for me visions are vivid and words for people always coming to me from a greater source. I have always been the same, I have always been the ballsy one to stand up and be heard in the defense of all. Why do I challenge my heart and what I know to be wrong to me when it’s me? My uncle is very much at the forefront I thought I had closure on this subject my priority was to get his ashes and I did. But there is a lingering feeling of injustice that I just cant shake the fact that he appears to me in my sleep is an indication that things aren’t finalized that there is something that he is not at peace with and I am driving myself mad about what I should of done differently and if I should try to changes that now. I didn’t want to seek the advice of a solicitor as I considered the reflection of what the cow and they would think my motives were. I assure you it’s not all monetary but too many things don’t make sense and this is arising even more with the legalities of Pete’s mum’s wishes.

I just can’t give in to the fact that she has done the best she can with the situation. She still hasn’t sent me a copy f his will and I am presuming that 10 months was long enough as I am his only relative 1 phone call to tell me he was dead wasn’t to damn much to ask.


I don’t know where this heading but I need to know the truth and what she is hiding. Looking through photos last night of the day Danicka was born reminded me he was there during every major event in my life my marriage my kids my 21st birthday my whole damn life and she has tainted my memory of him with her callousness. Know I wasnt just down the road on these occasions I was at the top end of Australia and he drove for 2 days at a time to see me every year and only once with her in there time together. They have been apart for so many years i just cant get get my head around her actions and I don't know if I can justify them in my mind. Do I leave sleeping dogs lie or do I dig deeper and see what she is hiding. I dont want to contest his will I just want to read it as his account of it is very different to hers.

Pondering a course of action I just don't know where to start.

Edit: Well I wrote this post after an awful night but I have awoken to the sun shinning and still feeling well just grateful to be alive. I am not sure if I will pursue anything or not but right know I am glad to be well.



Peace and Health to All xx