This was only a week ago we were happy smiling and loving each other.

BUT TONIGHT
My heart is breaking; my life has been turned upside down by one senseless act of a man hating woman on a mission to kill. I have had maybe 4 hours sleep since Saturday night and it is showing. The cracks are starting to appear my body is giving way my mind won’t shut down and my heart is beating so fast I feel as though people can see it protruding from my chest.

Today Ben is a lot better, yesterday we thought he may have to have more surgery but all is going well and that seems not to be the case. I left him today for a few hours,while he was asleep, it was just after lunch and I drove to the office were I witnessed first hand the security footage of the man I love more then life its self be stabbed in the chest by a complete stranger who wanted someone dead as pay back for what I am presuming to be all the pain in her pathetic useless life.
I watched this woman receive conversation, time and respect right before she shoved a 6 inch serrated steak knife into my Ben's chest. He was unsuspecting of the motives of this woman and the look of shock and dismay on his face will forever haunt me.

In saying this he remained calm composed and lucid, he told his friend to grab this woman as she walked away smiling while Ben instructed him that she had just stabbed him. He then steadied himself took his radio from his belt called a code red and asked for an Ambulance informing another guard he had been stabbed, he then proceeded to put his radio back on his belt and started to walk towards the guards who were frantically running to his aid and trying to keep the crowds away.

I am amazed at his calmness and so proud of his strength. I watched it over and over and over again. It was so quick and there seemingly was no threat from this woman until she did it. The knife was in her hand and her hand in her bag as she approached him. She was ready but so calm in her actions. He didn’t stand a chance there was no warning and no indication of her intentions. It is still so raw, so surreal and so frightening to think that this one person could have taken him from us in no less then the blink of an eye with no reason or provocation.
The boys have been amazing, there level of support endless and I will be forever grateful for his true mates as they surely saved his life.

It’s my first night home to actually sleep as I need to stay strong for the days and weeks ahead but he guilt of not being by his side is over whelming. My kids are holding their own but there devastation is evident.

I am strong but the feeling of how close I came to never holding him close, never kissing his lips, never hearing his voice, and the vision of that knife in his chest as they wheeled him into emergency makes it hard for me to close my eyes.

How do I do this?