Im Back.......................................

Hello everyone, it seems like I have been away for ages I will catch up on everyone very soon though as I have missed you all terribly you are all like taking happy pills. I always feel better when we are in contact.
I went back to the specialist today for my monthly appointment. I don't think I looked real well as I caught the sympathy look from my darling doc. I assure you I don’t feel any worse than normal, to be honest if anything I feel better than I have in ages really.
I am not feeling healthy or super great but well enough to have the feeling of being able to see that light and smile rather than cry so if that makes sense that’s me right now.
My doctor is the type of person who is very caring straight forward and honest, he is the type of person you would be friends with has just a nice guy.
We chatted about how I was and discussed my infections and the antibiotics I have been on and we have being doing everything right. However he had asked me in a little earlier than my original appointment and I figured that he was just condensing appointment's. He in fact spoke to Ben and I a little longer than usual. My white cell count is still dropping so that’s not good news BUT my response and belief is that it will be fine and we will not dose reduce unless it gets to the point of being dangerous (IT WONT)
He also wanted to discuss my liver function tests, they are really high (still) this would normally be the case with someone who is drinking excessive amounts of alcohol whilst on this treatment (and people do) but I am not drinking at all, just that taste with the Footy game which I told him about but it has been this way for last 25 or so weeks and he has been watching it but had not said anything because he didn't want to worry me but it is now bothering him.
The problem with this is it’s not Hep that is doing it as there is no detectable virus, so it is obviously something else which brings into play another liver disorder.
He said that after treatment is over and we have cured the Hep C we will have to do a biopsy, now I knew this and also knew that I had a genetic degenerative liver disease also, the only problem with that is they don’t have a name for it and there not sure what the cause is, or what damage it can do or how they will treat that once they figure it out even if they do.
It just at the moment feels like a kick in the guts when your doc looks worried, especially the kind who tends to be very up beat and positive and very good at looking at the brighter side of things and as I now know very good at keeping secrets.
Again it is not this that has me so upset, honestly I am not fazed. Now before I go on I want you to know this is okay and no real surprise so don’t panic and Deb I am not saying that to sugar coat things I promise.
Okay that said that isn't what upset me today. He continued to ask questions he has never asked before.
Have your kids been tested? Yes was my answer only 12 months ago and they were clear, I continued to tell him my ex-husband was also clear and we were together 15 years. Then he asked if Ben had been checked my answer was yes 12 months ago and he was clear also.
We then had the discussion about it not being transmitted sexually and how difficult it is to catch and so on. Okay that’s all well and good I know all this but what the hell are getting at?
He just had a patient who was cured from a different genotype, her partner before treatment was cleared. Since treatment was over by chance he has tested positive which is very rare unless they are drug users or something a long those lines.
Now to cut an already long story a little shorter, he wants to test Ben again. He really says there is nothing to worry about but was so shocked that the husband has contracted the virus whilst she was on treatment that he now wants to check Ben just to be on the safe side.
The difference is I don’t have periods and haven’t for 11 years since my Hysterectomy due to cervical cancer, so that makes things better obviously, just the whole blood thing.
He has been contacting colleagues and this as I said is super rare and never been documented.

Just at the news that he wanted to recheck as a precaution had me holding my chest with fear and tears flowing way too freely, I felt as if I was going to die right then and there. The thought that Ben may get sick because of me has me devastated and totally thrown me for a loop. The chances of him having it is very minute and would be as I said very rare but I am so scared right now. He thinks I am over reacting and maybe I am but I cant help it, I am not one to rush to meet disaster but seriously what if I have given it to him and what if he is positive?
I know that since my ex after 15 years was clear and the kids were clear then he will probably be clear also but holy shit, I just don’t know what I would do.
This virus is harder to catch than HIV they have always said it can not be transmitted sexually and I thought that with the ex being clear and us having Ben tested before, after 5 years together than we were good, but now I am told maybe not, the doc must be worried enough to want to test him. It’s just the thought of him having to do this treatment because of me is not what I need right now. My hair is thinning a lot more now and my Doc said try not to stress HELLO? how can I not now, he is being tested tomorrow and I will know in a few days in the meantime I just have to pray that I haven’t made the love of my life ill.

Okay I have off loaded and tomorrow is a new day I have faith all will be well I just had a panic thingy lol.
I will fill you in on my babysitting adventures tomorrow.

Peace and Health my Lovelies XXXX