Time is progressing and I feel as though I am being left behind, dates and days are passing by and the seasons changing and I am in stagnant place not moving forward at all.Treatment is not getting any easier with time. It just has different twists and turns, highs and lows that have become very draining, at the moment it’s really getting me down. Tears are flowing freely and I think I am feeling a little sorry for my self and thats not a place I like to visit often.I have just about had enough, the migraines are preventing me from reading my favorites people and writing on my blog so I'm feeling isolated lonely and just sick and tired of feeling like sick and tired.
I'm sleeping more again as my haemoglobin is low so anemia is leaving me with little energy. I'm not straying to far from home as there is a really bad flu here and my white cell count is really low so I really don’t want to catch anything that will make me feel worse than I already do.
Painkillers are a constant, more drugs upon more drugs on top of that, and then injection day is coming again. That comes so damn fast I just get over one and its time again. I'm just drained emotionally, physically and any other shitty way you can feel, I'm being hit with it. I'm so close, seriously less than 3 months I have already done 8 months I shouldn’t complain but I am just having a moment where everything about me is pissing me off I believe life is to live and cherish every moment there are always lessons to be learnt and I honor that but I'm just so tired. I don’t speak on the phone I don’t blog I hardly speak to the kids and if I do I don’t make sense or I forget what I have said frustrating for all. It’s just to damn long to damn hard. I will finish of course I would never give up but gees I am so over it already.
There are brighter things happening Kyle is Home for a little longer than expected Ben and him are getting there security license and will be working together their first gig will be the Noosa jazz festival I hope I'm well enough to go and maybe check it out. There are a few things happening with work so money is looking up slightly. Im just missing you all and think of you daily I hope your all well and am catching up slowly.
Peace and Health To All XXX
Press on in Patience"...be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patienceinherit the promises."(Hebrews 6:12)
This is what Im praying about:
posted by Shaz @ Tuesday, August 14, 2007
12 Comments
12 Comments:
Do whatever you have to do to get better Shaz, we'll all be waiting for you don't worry about that. I must admit I have been concerned and I text messaged you today because I didn't want to ring in case you weren't up to it.
I even said a prayer for you and you know I don't pray, well not to God anyway. Did my Angel arrive yet, I told her you needed her more than me.....*grin*. Take care sweet girl, it will all be over soon. Just hang in there a bit longer....
Three more months while you've already done eight, so it's no wonder you are so sick of feeling sick. I know it's hard to feel anything other than crappy if you can't do things that you want to. I hope this period of not being able to get up passes quickly and that your migraines ease so that you can at least read. Do whatever you need to be healed and whatever you can to make you feel brighter. xx
Oh Shaz, I was so happy to see your were posting again, and then so sad to read how sick you are. You know a day doesn't go by that you are in my thoughts and prayers. The scripture you have chosen today is one of my favorites. You will inherit those promises...They are yours girlfriend. Love and Hugs always.
looking for an upside...with injection days seeming to whiz their way to you so quickly, the final 3 months will go quickly too! i know. it doesn't really work that way, does it. but it will be SO much better soon! you've been doing this and being strong for 8 months. you're in my thoughts and i'm sending some healing white light your way.
hugs!
You are truly an amazing person. I just in awe of you and your strength. I've watched many family members go through treatment and I don't know how they do it. I've been through treatment myself but no where near on the level that you are. My bouts with cancer were quick. Only a year each time and surgery for the most part got rid of it with little follow up treatment.
You are entitle to feel sorry for yourself just know that we all love you. Hang in there, only 3 more months to go!
These are difficult times Shaz and only you are aware of how difficult it is for you. I wish there were things I could do to help you through this phase but all I have to offer is my special thoughts and prayers.
It might seem as if time is standing still when you think about three months to go but you are always such a special lady using your courage to find the positive in any situation---once again you are doing this by recognizing eight months are down.
Just hold tight to the special things in life that you will soon be active in and know you will reach them---hold tight to the special thoughts---You will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
as always you are a bright shining light shaz and so enjoy all the comments from your friends and those who care about you seeing the inspiration you are to so many *Soon ah will be doneah with the problems o the worl* an old negro spiritual i learned in high school choir for some reason seemed appropriate to share with you here. love that you share a verse from Hebrews as a cry to press on I pray He comforts you with what only He can and in a way that just gives you the most joy you can imagine!!! so gladi came across your page!!
You're on the home stretch, love ... often the hardest part. Keep the faith beautiful girl (and if not, I'll keep it for you.) Sending you love, peace, healing thoughts, gentle strokes against your brow, and much love. xx, deb
sending you many, many hugz, dear shaz. at a loss for words, but my heart is in the right place. have a peaceful, restful day.
Honey... you have already been on such a long journey, and you are getting there. As deb says, you are on the "home stretch"...
I SO HOPE you guys can make it for a visit. I miss you very much.
Can NOT wait to squeeze you... and I KNOW you only care about holding the baby *grin*
(hugs) and love to you my brave, strong friend!
Love to Ben and the clan.
Bx
Spring is just around the corner for you....renewal, rebirth, remarkable newness awaits Shaz. So much you are contending with and so many deeply felt events too. Not good when you're trying to physically push through the last of the treatments.
Thinking of you..........
You are almost there 3 months 12 visits and it will be all over and life will be sweet once more.
I know you are tough enough, you have gotten this far which means the worse of it is gone and on the home stretch.
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