Part 2- Bianca and me

Bianca and I started spending more and more time together we had a lot in common and we had a lot of fun together. We surfed and went to the beach danced t]after my shifts in the club, yes I started working ther not long after as a topless waitress the money was good the drinks for courage was free and no one new I was still in school I led a double life. Bianca was funny and a good friend but I soon found out that there was a lot she was hiding, including an addiction to heroin. Needless to say it was a roller coaster ride being with her when she was up and also down. All though she wasn't to bad in the beginning she thought she had it under control she didn't. I was with her when she was going through withdrawals hocking what ever she could for one more hit. She joined the methadone program but that only kept her going in between scoring the good stuff. I met people I wish I hadn't, I seen things, I wish I had never seen.

I saw people over dose, ambulances being called police turning up running so as not to be caught in the middle of something that was going on, none of it pleasant. At times she would get food from the salvation army and money from welfare to live. I would go home to my Nana's occasionally just to let her know I was okay and rang her daily but she was terrified of what was going on and where I was. I could of quite easily tried it but I hated needles and was petrified of it.Many tried to get me to try it but Bianca would not let anyone near me, she was very protective and thought of me like a little sister and she didnt want me to go through what she was, one of her better moments of clarity. We both got work as dancers outside my regular 2 nights a week, we found a flat in the valley that was cheap enough to afford and we would walk to work every night school was in the past and I was making really good money. We didn't always work in the same club but always met after work to go home together. A lot of my money went on her habit but I didn't mind because I hated seeing her sick. We had numerous jobs Dancing on stage and in cages with hot pants and skimpy clothes I had a regular job Thursday and Friday nights topless waitressing in the club where Tony worked and that was when I was still at school so I still had that but I worked in bars did stag nights, bikini and lingerie parades at functions and clubs. I wasn't into drugs all that much but I did drink a lot I had to just to relax and do what I had to do I was very shy believe it or not. I had rent to pay I was on my so you did what I had to do.

Back then the club I worked in was a theatre club the shows were as tasteful as a club like that can be there were g-string rules or thongs what ever you prefer and no touching. Things were preety good for awhile but it got harder for B and she needed more and more I couldn't keep up with her habit and neither could she financially, so I started to take speed to work day and night but it wasn't my thing I couldn't function and started to loose way to much weight. I did it so I could work at night and then as a receptionist in a house that sent out call girls B started to work in there but she was not answering the phone like me.The girls were really nice and I tried to pick and choose the jobs she got sent too. That didn't last too long thank goodness as I hated seeing some of the girls coming back to the house beaten and bruised because a customer wasn't happy. The first time she seen me cry after she came back made her realise we had to do something different.We decided to try and get her off the gear I locked us in a room for 4 days and she cried and screamed and rocked in my arms for every hour we were in there. We finally came out she looked like hell and we hoped the worst was over. She stayed clean for a while and the money we made was ours to just have fun with. Things were pretty good we worked our regular jobs went to dance classes and hung out at the beach.

One night things took a turn that would change things for ever it all went horribly wrong she buckled under the pressure and was gone for a long time from the club. I waited and waited but I didn't see her again for about 3 days. That night didn't just end badly for her it turned into a nightmare for me also.

One minute I was talking and dancing with friends after my shift behind the bar, the next thing I knew I woke up in our flat with a black eye fat lip bruises and covered in blood. I was naked and my front door was wide open Bianca was no where to be seen and I didn't have any recollection from the night before. I locked the door and hid. When she didn't show up all that next night I feared the worse. I wasn't game to leave the flat I was scared and alone with no phone no friend and not actually being able to recall what had been done to me I was feeling scared sore and very alone. When I didn't show for work a security friend of mine Des came to see why, as I never missed a shift. There was a knock at the door but I was to scared to answer it until I heard his voice and knew it was him. I opened the door and fell into his arms crying uncontrollably he tried to find out what had happened but I didn't know I had spent half the day and night in the shower the water muffling my cries as I looked in the mirror when I finally got out I hardly recognized the person staring back at me and neither did he. After being there for a few hours he went back to the club and questioned the bouncers that were on the night before and they said that I had left with a man whom they had seen before but was not a regular and thought I was just drunk he said he was going to walk me home and I apparently brushed off there concerns. When Des came back he took me to the hospital and they ran tests and found traces of Rohypnol (the date rape drug) in my system and that I indeed had been raped. I refused help and would not talk to the cops I left the hospital and just went home praying that B would be home when I got there I was so worried about her but she wasn't and O was alone.

I had to stay at the flat because I couldn't go home to Nana's looking the way I did, she would of had a heart attack and I refused to speak to police because I was too scared. Bianca came home 2 days later as high as a kite and my face said a thousand words I told her what happened she was very sorry but that just didn't cut it this time. She should of been with me or at least told me she was leaving. There were so many good times in between the shit and I loved her a lot but that was a huge wake up call for me and I couldn't live like that any more. I couldn't help her or my self, the drugs were her friend not me and so that ended our friendship at that time and when the bruising went down I went back to my Nana's.

It just wasn't the same after that I couldn't relate to any one, my friends from school were doing there own things and I stayed away from the clubs and the whole city scene for a while. I finally decided to travel I had to get out of Brisbane and so that started a new chapter in my life I was going to go around Australia work and see the sites of our big vast country put the hurt and pain of my past behind me and I just wanted to be a new person. It had all been to much from the age of 13 I left home because my mum was an alcoholic and her boyfriend abused me. It seemed all down hill from there. I can reflect on those times and just be thankful I'm alive my life could of turned out very differently and I know that.

I did see Bianca again she was with a dance troop in Cairns and she found out my number through my Nana. She came to see me while Glenn was at work, she looked good she was clean and had been for 6 months she wanted me to go back to Sydney with her to start again and be friends dance in the troop and travel Australia but I was settled I was married and pregnant I wasn't going any where she was hurt but I had changed and I was happy.

I only heard from her a few times after that some letters and a couple of phone calls. I heard after Danicka was born that she died of an overdose and I was devastated no matter the past I loved her very much and was crushed by the news. I tried everyone I used to know to find out if it was true no one knew, I wrote letters from her old address and they were returned I presumed the news to be true. It wasn't until I left my ex 15 years later and was back in Brisbane that I went through my old letters and hers struck a chord in me again. I felt as though I needed to know more so I called her Family, it took a while but I went through the phone book and got on to an Aunt of hers. Then began a whole new story that floored me beyond belief.

Until then. Peace and Health To You All XXXX