Ramblings of cranky X about angry X

Forgive my rambles i am just cranky and need to vent..................................

Well its one of those days, I am not sick or in bad pain its just a shitty day raining and wet and cold.
I am really tired I noticed last week I seem to get that way from about now until my injection its all a bit strange.
I am not into drama I hate drama I like peace and happy smiling faces and conversations full of laughter Mmmmmm I sound like a Hippie and that's okay, its true.
I have been awake for what seems like for ever, I only got about 2 hours sleep.
I had spoken to another blogger Whitesnake or Steve I think I spoke to both that day which was cool there both different one is gentle sweet and very metro-sexual the other is a bit snakier with a funny dry sense of humour.
Then I was so energised and happy when I got off the phone to My Deb last night I didn't think anything could spoil it but low and behold leave it up to the ex to be an asshole and ruin any good mood I found myself in.
He decided just this past Sunday night he was going to fly down from Cairns this Friday to see the kids for 1 night over the weekend and fly home. I thought that was great he hasn't seen Dana or Kyle for like 2 years and that was at his mums funeral he flew them up for 2 days he wouldn't let them go earlier to say goodbye, anyway he sees the girls once a year by his choice but of course its my fault because I left him and took them away. I left yes, for good reasons and left with custody of my kids and left him with the money. No courts or solicitors it was easy for us both he wanted money, I wanted my kids and we could not live in the same town.

In saying that, I drove 22 hours to pick them up. I had them ring him weekly and he has always had the opportunity to see them any time at a moments notice. I wanted him to have a relationship with his kids. My dad and I were exceptionally close and it was and is incomprehensible to me that a parent can not find more time than 2 weeks a year when they are very wealthy and have nothing stopping them from seeing their kids. Any way his loss all though I do feel sorry for him for that because we have amazing children.

The phone call started okay he told me his plans which included me getting the girls to him which is only an hour away in Brisbane and that was fine I said that if it wasn't me (as injection and treatment doesn't let me know if I can drive until the day) but it would be Ben or whatever how ever or who ever, I would get them to him.
I told him I thought it was a great idea he was coming down and I would accommodate him in any way I could, it just may not be me dropping them off.
I thought all was going well until he started getting angry with me.
Ex:- There’s always something with you isn't there I am making an effort it is very hectic for me and I am trying to do something right and its all too hard for you to drop them off . I should of just left it and seen Dana and Kyle and not told the girls because I should of known you would make it hard for me. I thought we could finally just have a coffee and a normal conversation but obviously not.
I repeated the fact that I had no problem doing my best to work in with him and I will get them to him but I may not be the one to do it, I don't see the problem with that I think your over reacting.
Ex:- fucken hell you sound like a salesmen.
Umm Okay I am now over his shit and cry as I tell him his life is hectic because he chooses it to be its only work he has no girlfriend or wife or other kids he is just a builder who put his work before his family and took his stress out on me. I told him I am fighting for my life basically and his life being hectic is not my problem and do I have to do all the work for him as usual to ease his guilt of not seeing his kids. That is why he only has his work now. I told him I didn't understand what was wrong I said I would get them there but obviously he wanted to see me and he didn't like the fact that he had worked out a plan (with out talking to me) and it wasn't going the way he wanted. He knows I am on treatment to him it’s just another thing toughen up and get over it. I told him to sort it out with the older kids and they can tell me where he is and IL get the girls there. I then asked why he couldn't, without being ass just talk normally and his reply was because I am not normal.
LMAO at that, while crying and trying to control myself from throwing the phone at the wall.
I then hang up so now I don't know what’s going on and I don't care the girls don't want to see him more than once a year anyway because he’s mean to them, they cry (Tayla especially) over his stupid conversations with them.
GRrrrrrr I am just so pissed off that he’s such an idiot. I have tried to make him out not to be the wanker he can be especially to the kids but they are older and know what he's like.
I can not continue to make excuses for him and quite frankly I am over it.
We have not been together for 7 years and he still tries to control and manipulate me.
He can still upset me and drag me down to his level and I hate that. I spoke to Kyle about it and told me not to worry that hes just like that and we know that, mum don't let him upset you.
Ben stays very neutral especially in front of the kids he is good like that.
I would never have someone bag my kids dad in front of them and he just would never out of respect for them. I do love that about him.
I am sure B finds it hard and he knows he still gets to me but not in a way that is detrimental to us. I was with Ex from 15 to nearly 30 so at the time half my life and I was still very young he is also 9 years older than me so you would think he'd of grown up by now but alas maturity and forgiveness eludes him and that is his burden to bear not mine. Phewwwwwwwwww

I pray he finds Peace and contentment in his life.