Thursday, November 29, 2007

Im Here but Lost

Hey guys so sorry to have left you all hanging its tough at the moment.

I have no computer and generally I am just feeling a little reclusive. I am unwell and doing my best to keep smiling.

I thought that being at the end would be so much better but I haven't found a lot relief neither physically or emotionally.

I am slowly rebuilding my strength and trying to stay positive.

I have a specialist appointment on the 5th so we will see.

I am missing you all and will be hopefully back on line soon.

I am usually one to lie and say I'm fine no worries mate but I just cant do that at the moment so I hope your well and I think of you daily.

Lots of love Shazz XXX

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Days and weeks, months even have passed by so quickly, its 6 weeks until Xmas and I am tired and it seems like it was only a few weeks ago I struggled to get through Xmas day.
My body still weary and my mind a little lost all though I am doing much better I feel strange, I feel kinda lazy and a little disconnected from everything and I am trying to form some sort of normality and routine back into our lives.
Its been great with the girls lately I am able to spend more time talking and getting interested in whats going on with them (and remember the next day) I just feel as if I have missed a big chunk of the last year and realistically I have but it just feels odd some how.
I am not feeling sorry for my self just considering where to go from here. I am off to the naturopath soon to work on a regime of how to get my health back on track and detox all the chemicals that I've consumed.
I really need some normality and routine as i am feeling a little lazy and a little confused on what direction or route to follow now. So much as happened in the last couple of years, my health only being a part of the changes that we have gone through and we are all trying to adjust and find our feet.
Its strange how not having my computer going and visiting everyone and staying connected has left a big gap in my life at the moment. Even if I don't post, just by being in touch with you all through your own posts makes me feel better some how. Not knowing whats going on and missing even the small stuff with you all, well to be honest pisses me off big time and even that seems a little weird but I know you all get that.
You have all just become such a special part of my life that I feel a little lost when your not in it. I feel a bit dorky about that because we have never even met but I care for you all very deeply and i miss you all a lot.
You guys have been there for me during some pretty dark times and I hope you all know how much I appreciate each and everyone you.
You have been my confidants with out judgement,my friends without question and my special place to fall when I needed it. Your always there to pick me up and make me smile when I didnt think I could or wanted too, we have laughed together, cried together, I have never felt your touch physicly but my heart has. I have never even heard your voices, but I have definately felt your support and been hugely blessed by your friendships.
I just want you all to know that and know I probably wouldn't have gotten to where I am now with out each and everyone of you.
Each of you have given me something very special and I hold you all very close to my heart, more than any typed word will ever express properly.

So as I go to sleep tonight and Pray I will thank God for each and everyone of you,
MY New found Friends.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Doing Better

Hey Guys I am feeling a lot better!!!!!!!!! not great, but so way better than before and I am getting stronger everyday.
I am sure it has helped to have all your prayers and thoughts and the Love you have sent me.

My computer is down so I just wanted to check in with a short note to say Thank you....I miss you and will be back really soon.

Peace and Health To You Always XXXX
I just want to Wish Ayesha HAPPY BIRTHDAY for the 12th she will be a big 13 my youngest Babe Geeeezzz I feel old LOL

Thursday, November 01, 2007


Its usually the case when you do don't see my comments or new posts that I am unwell.
The same is true at the moment, I don't know whats happening and I have been to sick to even make it to the doctor, I have missed two appointmentsas I just couldn't make it.
It comes in waves and is debilitating my symptoms are strange and my specialist who is supposed to know has no idea nor has he taken to much time to try and help.
I am a little discouraged and a lot freaked out by whats going on and the more I research post treatment side effects the more freaked out I become. (so I have stoppedreading)
I am supposed to be recovering, feeling a little better each day but instead I am ok for an hour more or less then flat on my back either asleep or in strange spasms feeling like I'm going to throw up then dizzy confused then ok again............ if you can call it ok, the only relief I get is with pain killers and then that only stops me shaking like I have Parkinson's. I am trying to avoid taking them unless it becomes way to much.
I do not want more drugs and hate that I have to take anything at all.
I wake up thinking today is a better day but it doesn't last long hence it coming in waves.
I have little or no control and its frustrating.
I will make it to another doctor but am extremely disappointed in my specialist and his lack of care with my follow up post treatment.
I will be letting him know at my scheduled appointment in December.
I hope you are all well and look forward to catching up with you all.

Peace and Health To All XXXX