Monday, April 30, 2007

Gratefull for...........................

Okay here I am no hair. No pretense nothing to hide behind except a little fringe at the front.
I am not feeling chic or refreshed nor do I feel glamorous.
The last few days have taught me its only hair though.
When you cant get out of bed you have a little time to reflect.

Good things come to those who wait and I believe the harder the journey the more appreciation you receive.

You can decide to wallow in self pity or be grateful for what you have.
I am the latter.
I am so grateful that maybe not to today but maybe tomorrow I will get up and out of bed without pain..
I can still walk even if I am weak, others will never have the strength to take that step.
My head hurts when I open my eyes and the world is blurry but I am grateful because maybe not today maybe tomorrow I will see clearly again others may not.
My hair is gone now but maybe not today but soon it will grow again.
I have memory lapses now, my body aches my hands quiver and the bathroom is all mine and I am grateful.. It will get better, for some it may not

I have hope of a long life and healthy future others don't and so for that I am grateful.

I have never been one to say why me, oh whow is me. I am a get up and get on with it kinda girl. Don't stress about what you cant change, just do your best in what ever situation your thrown in to I wouldn't be given something i couldn't handle.
This hasn't been thrust upon me by my being a bad person.
Bad things happen to good people in which they have no control, acceptance of this and doing your best is sometimes all you have.

To me....... I can see the sunshine through my window in the morning and the light of the moon after the sun goes down.
I can hear the footsteps of my girls up the stairs and the warmth of their hug as they hold me in their arms. Each night I lay in the arms of the man I love while he sleeps feeling his heart beat alongside mine beating as if their one.

I am grateful for small mercies.

Peace and Health All XXXX

" not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises."(Hebrews 6:12)

Saturday, April 28, 2007

YuKKy days

Specialist Day Tuesday.

Guess who has a really really short hair????

I have had a really shit few days, hence no computer, I haven't even been on my mattress down stairs. I have been stuck in bed, Blahhhh.

B's sis Amii came up to help out which has been good. I will catch up with you all soon.

Peace and Health To All xxxx

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


ANZAC DAY: Our Australian Heros who fought for our Freedom.

Total casualties of the Gallipoli Campaign
Approximate allied casualties . . . 250,000 (incl. French forces)
Approximate allied deaths . . . 50,000
Turkish casualties . . . over 300,000
The suffering of the wounded was terrible and the facilities for
dealing with them were hopelessly inadequate. Death came in
horrible ways. Men were killed in action, sniped or shelled. Some
died of wounds, dysentery or disease, others were drowned or
died of exposure. Men were both burned and frozen to death.
I have taken my children to the dawn service nearly every year of their lives to show respect for those who have fallen for the lives my children now lead.
My deepest respect.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Positive Changes

Well Sunday night is here and tomorrow starts a day of juicing, fish, rice, miso soup and lots of raw veges. No carbs no coffee no sweets (no chocolate') GRrRrrr
I only have 2 months till this wedding and I really need to be more healthy and feel better about myself before then.

I have been quite good but I am making poor choices at the moment and I need to get crackin on a better life style. I have given up drinking smoking and the next step is what goes into my mouth. I really have let myself go for many reasons. I have done a lot of work emotionally now I have to work on the physical. My white cell count is like 600 not real flash but a better diet will most definitely help.

I will try to do little run downs on my eating over the next few weeks and searching for healthy recipes that will have me looking and feeling better in 7 weeks if you have any recipes please pass them on.
I wish I could do a master cleanse like Thea's but that's a little hard with treatment so I am getting active outside with my vege garden and herbs, juices and raw fruit and veges will help heaps. I eat well but have been a little naughty, no really I have been filling up on shit.
I also think I am doing way too much comfort eating and making really bad choices so I need to get back to my old self step by step.
Peace and Health xx


Friday, April 20, 2007

One of my comforts

Camp Oven: It has my dinner in it..........Yummy roast.
You can take the gal out of the country, but you cant take the country outa the gal.
I miss camping horses and the bush.

I try not to anticipate or bring negativity to Fridays (injection day) its just as they were always a struggle before with side effects and what not. I must admit I have been blessed the last couple of weeks to not even have anything significant to say about it. Yesterday was a little different not with anticipation but in it didn't go as well as it has been. I had the chills and sweats, shaking, headaches and I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. Today is better and I have made it through reasonably unscathed, other than my head aching and being a little off which is really good considering, so I am grateful its not as bad as in the past.

I am trying to keep busy and get back to the things I love, gardening with herbs and veges pot plants and reading a good book in the fresh air, listening to the birds and enjoying the out doors. I have been couped up inside far too long.

As a kid I was labeled a tom boy (probably with good reason) I loved trucks, bikes, camping, fishing, surfing, music, dancing and horses. I could go from playing football to dance class to packing my back pack for an early start to go fishing the next morning. I was my dad's little girl with a love of boy things.
I grew up in a small town after leaving my Nan's and my dad organised a lot of team sports for the boys and men in town, social clubs, cricket and footy teams and rallies, so bush bashin cars and burnouts and playing footy with the boys was so me.
I loved it and still do. I have always been a kid to be outside kicking the footy, riding horses and having camp fires or at the beach and on the water. Hence the need for a fire and the flavour of a roast cooked in the camp oven when I am wanting some comfort.
I love good restaurants occasionally but seriously a BBQ and outdoor cooking with friends and family is so me. Ugg boots and a rum or a cold beer with a blazing fire in winter is awesome.
I cant drink rum or eer at the moment or probably much at all ever again and well its not that cold yet, so I don't need the uggies but I cant wait any longer for a camp oven roast. Lyndell had one with the girls over Easter so I just had to have one seeing camping isn't on the cards in the near future.
There is a little prep but it just means starting a mean ass fire about 3 hours before you want to cook, putting your lamb roast or whatever, in the camp oven with fresh herbs, stock and some secret ingredients lol then when the logs are burnt to hot coals you put your oven amongst the coals and let it roast for a couple of hours. The final product is an amazingly tender piece of meat cooked in its own juices with a special smoky flavour. I spent maybe 5 years being a vego and I still don't eat a lot of meat but camp oven roast is the best and I will never give that up. Anyway I am going to check it now do some veges (well B will do the veges as I am back on the mattress) its hard work building a mean ass fire I even chopped the wood gathered the kindling and stoked that sucker till it was just right (now I'm stuffed) but its well worth it trust me and I will only check the coals are still happening.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Peace and Health To All XXXX

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Rambles of LoVe and TraGedy

I have been feeling a little displaced and vulnerable today. It has nothing to do with my treatment. I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with grief and not my own.
I feel things a little intensely sometimes. It may sound strange but if you know what I mean then you will know how hard it is to explain. I tend to be affected by peoples pain whether its physical or of the heart. The tragedy in Virginia has broken my heart. I feel the pain of these families as if they were my own. I see the looks of horror on the faces of them when they hear of their loss and feel as their world is shattered by the loss of someone they Love. I see them clutch their chest and drop to their knees in the worst moments of their lives. It is just such a waste and it is devastating for our world as a whole.
I have been like this all my life. Sometimes I know before, other times in the moment and other times later, either way its distracting. Some would say I have a gift others would say a burden.
I call it ME no category no explanation or excuse, just me. When I am often overcome with feelings that I cant control, that aren't my own, I surround myself in my own happy memories and pray for those I cant help. I did that this morning after I watched the news. I sat with my prize possession which sounds funny considering the state of it. This suitcase was what I left home with when I was 13, that and my KISS Army bag (LMAO would never leave home with out it) Anyway this is the one I kept above all others and it now holds letters, pictures, newspaper clippings of me and Danica's chemical poisoning through her school when she was in grade 3. Pictures of my mums wedding and all the certificates of my kids when they were younger along with notes and drawings that warm my heart.
The girls had the day off school as I missed them way to much while they were away and the way I was feeling I needed them close so we sat and laughed and recalled all those little things you only remember when your memory is triggered by a picture or a familiar smell. We hugged and talked and overall had a good day.
Just below is my first photo with Ayesha after she was born. She was the last of my babies before being diagnosed with cancer when I turned 25 and Ish was only 6 months old. That was not what I expected during a routine exam but there is a lot to say for routine checks ladies I can't stress that enough.
I feel so blessed to have had four beautiful babies before I had the hysterectomy to eradicate the cancer thus obviously preventing me from more kids in the future.
I love this photo and even though these pics were taken with my camera of them, they are still precious and no less than perfect to me. I remember looking at her and admiring my precious gift wondering how I could stop there. I wanted at least 6 kids but I am so lucky to have what I have and I cherish every moment. UMmmm when I am not cursing and cracking a mental over their messy rooms. (I am human after all)
That was 12 years ago and today is the very first time that I noticed the scar down the right side of my face in this particular photo. (that seems strange to me I was always aware back then)
I only noticed it today when Tayla actually asked for the first time how it happened and I promised I would tell her one day.
Its more of dent really where my facial bones were cracked (another story) blah blah but you know nothing could take away from me and my precious bundle of joy. I had no idea at the time she would be my last. My children saved my life and made me love living. I love them more than this life and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them (including tough love) which is the hardest of all. I also believe that it takes a lot of love and courage to do whats right for your kids even if they don't get it at the time. I feel very protective of them and it annoys the shit out of them but I do not care they are too precious to take any chances. Its also a constant struggle because you always can ever only do what you think is right at the time and I think if you do it with unselfish Love there can't be any wrong decisions. That's my theory any way.

These are the two little bundles that joined me in my reminiscing today and they really are just as cute and mischievous as they were then. The make me laugh with their wit and make me smile with their sarcasm (its a little funny) and I cry when I feel their compassion for others. I think I am most proud of that quality in all of my kids. They really do have an inner quality that is displayed towards others that has me beaming at being able to say that they are a part of me.

I received a wedding invitation today from this young lady sitting on my lap (6 years ago) Thera-Lea is my name sake and she is my God daughter. I love her as if she were my own and she is getting married in June. Thera is nearly a year older than Danicka and it blows my mind to think that only 3 weeks ago she had her second little girl and is about to marry the man of her dreams. He spoils her and their two babies and I cant wait for the wedding. It will be beautiful. I am relieved I didn't get her labour pains this time but I did with her first, I knew she was in labour before her mum did and I lived an hour away breathing deeply tellin her to hurry bloody up and it happened with both my sistas as well. Give me a break all ready :)

I have filled my day with old memories phone conversations with my dear Bx whom I adore. Missed another call from my sweet sista in the US 2 days running GRrrrr and shopped with my girls for girlie things. Considering the start, it turned out really well. This is what made me happy today.

It is now after every one's asleep that I will thank god for what I have and Pray for healing of the souls who have lost loved ones through tragedy.

Peace and Health To All XXXX

Sunday, April 15, 2007

One of my jobs.........

Me doing make-up obviously (Mmmm nice thick hair)
Kyle with his tongue out........Mmmmm
The church in Cairns where they were married.
with my babes smiling sweetly and lovin the attention.

Danicka is telling Kyle smile for the camera you are going to get into trouble.

At the Pier in Cairns walking to get more photos and more photos and more PHOTOS.They are holding hands way too cute, how quickly time goes by.

Well I will start by saying you are so sweet all of you.
I know how bad I looked in my last post but that was the whole point.
I sometimes don't move off my mattress on the floor.
I have my computer and my camera and my Bella to keep me company.
I don't answer the phone because I hate saying I am sick for one and I don't like those who ring me to feel bad that I feel like shit. Its complicated.
I didn't think I was stupid, this after all is my journal.
As I have said I am not much of a poet nor am I a novelist but this was started with the intention of releasing and recording good and bad, nice and nasty.
I am doing what I intended.
Anywhoo took your advice and I told them to fuk off. I am not that nice and the fact that I felt justified with your support made it all the better. (I am hurt but forgiving) We will leave it there.

I miss my girls I just want scream. They have been gone the whole of Easter and it sux.
My BF had them for 3 days and then my sister picked them up for another week for their break. They have been going to return each day for the last 3 days and each time its put off for another day. I am being a total sook but I will be glad for some loving from my babes.
I am feeling better this last 2 days I am exhausted through doing nothing but my face is healing
and no migraines yay yay.

That last photo is kinda ironic because I am a make-up artist I was taught by The Australian institute of TV and Film association as well as various other resources.

I only had two babies then and ran our building company as well at the time. I then scored a job with a company that catered for Japanese Weddings in Australia. I worked for them for 5 years and had two more kids while I was with them. I did the make-up and sometimes hair, I would help them choose gowns Jewelry and tiaras, then basically go to the church organise photos video and co-ordinate the 4/5 hour day of their wedding.
It was cheaper for them to get married here and sometimes bring their whole family over for a holiday than it was to be married in Japan or so they said.
We had interpreters for those with little or no English and I used to love it. Imagine someone else's wedding everyday happy smiling faces and joy.

My kids never had day care I could pick and choose which weddings I did and my MIL looked after Danicka and Kyle when they weren't with me as they also worked for the company.
They were paid to be flower girl and page boy of the bride and groom. D called them her princess days she was spoilt rotten, had her hair done and was fussed over by up to 15 people.
She used to always get kranky with Ky because he was a little harder to control and she being the big sister would try to gain that control, he would run away take his shoes off poke his tongue out and refuse to smile but all in all he didn't care as long as he got sushi for lunch. Dan took her job of being a princess a little more seriously she was so cute. They loved when she would say Japanese words and try her best to be well behaved.
They were in awe of blonde hair and western kids. (the kids had quite a little racket going, lol)

The brides were amazed at my working through my pregnancies and when Tayla was born she came to work with me when I was there only to make-up and she was as quiet as a mouse in her pram in the kitchen, most of the time with everyone pitching in and keeping an eye on her.
There were other times how ever that she wasn't so quiet and the bride would want to see what was squawking in the other room and so then the wedding was on hold and there was my little girl being cuddled and caressed and observed through the eyes of a stranger who had only seen blonde hair and blue eyes on television. Imagine their surprise at red hair and blue eyes. Ayesha's hair was orangutan orange it was so damn bright it scared me, let alone them. The funniest thing was they kept asking if it was real or Had hairdresser done? It really was a culture shock for all of us but an experience I will always remember.

That's it for me I hope everyone is well. I seem to visit everyone more regularly when I am at my worst, when I am a little better I try to catch up all the fun stuff I miss out on, like washing and house work way kool stuff like that you know what I mean.

Peace and Health To All xxxx

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Is it just me??????????

Why are you putting all these photos of your self on you blog????

Especially that last one its not very Flattering!!!!!

Tell me what do I say to that?
The post hadn't been read it was just the beginning with the photo that prompted that question.

I may be a little touchy but seriously, what do I say to that?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Am I the only one with out PHOTO SHOP???????

Okay this is me today no makeup nothing to hide behind, lying down on my mattress on the floor. When I look at this Picture......
In a French accent I hear OH Mon Cherie' you are so bewdiful' I want to kiss you all over your Hoh hoh Hoh.
In reality its..... Fuk this sheila looks like a dogs dinner mate, give er a big miss ay. HE He he

I don't do photo shop, mainly cause I don't have it (snicker) but I cringe at posting photos.
I have never been that comfortable with them but I do make an effort for history you know. However I try to be choosy (not in this instance OBVIOUSLY ), digital cameras and "delete" are the best inventions ever, showing how I really am and displaying my self as "real" visually is very new to me, being real through my words are easy.
Looking at me like this is kinda funny really...........I mean HELLO?
I look at it and go oooooooh you look yukky.
Do I feel as bad as I look? OR Do I look as bad as I feel?
I don't sit and look at myself when I am sick,
(no I do not cry in front of the mirror either, ok maybe once or twice but we all do that don't we? if you don't .....SHhhhh) but I do wonder when others look at me, Do they really see how bad I feel? or should I toughen up, cover my dark circles with concealer, open my eyes with liner and mascara and smile through gritted teeth.
Or do I take a snap and say when I look back YEP!!! I really did feel the way I looked. (Smile)Poor Ben when we have to go out. I say lifting my head off the pillow do you think I need make-up?? He smiles and tells me his well rehearsed NO HONEY You look fine, shit I mean good, you look Beautiful.
Mmmmm The truth or a lie? I weigh up what I want to hear in my head and I think for him its a no win situation.

If he says yes I cry and wonder why he doesn't want to be seen with me, its not my fault I am sick and look like Horse Shit. I shouldn't have to put on a mask.
If he says no I know hes lying and he should know I hate lies and I don't want to be seen like this and it sucks and I am over it and it sucks and and and it just F*%k#N SUX.

I am still some where in between depending on my mood and how well Bens rehearsed.
So there this is me and my day today sucked like a few lately.
But I do have to say, the sun was shining bright as it filtered through the blinds, the breeze swept through the down stairs window with a crispness of winter pending and it smelt fresh, like a new beginning. At least I noticed that's got to be something HuH?

I can be open through my words and thoughts and memories, even my past, but little pieces are easily hidden and kept secret, and you will know only as much as I want to let be known all though it will always be the truth.
I can, if I choose, sugar coat things a little, not mention leave out some of the details and lets just say dumb it down a little. That's what Make-up does for me also I can hide the imperfections and paint on a different outlook hide just enough to look okay on the outer edges.
Keep up the facade. At the moment I just cant be stuffed and I don't care(that's not a bad thing its a good thing, really its just another step through this journey of discovery)
I am good with this as long as I don't think about what YOUR going to think of the raw me.
If I was Vain (which we all agreed I AM NOT, Right?) then I would have just pushed Delete. I am better than that and this is how I look today and today needed to be documented in all the glory of suckiness, LoL is that a word?

Photos are different aren't they??? Different to words I mean.
I cant hide behind an analogy or a hidden meaning. I am just there being honest
(and a little ugly) Never the less Honest ;-}

I have decided by this, how I look at this moment does not mean I am ugly and I don't have to look good every day I just have to be me. (I am under here just heading for the light)
I have had migraines for the last two weeks or so.
I am having staph breakouts on my face now, up my nose, down into my throat and they are painful and not real pretty, it is under control though and it does look good at the moment (no comparative photos, thank god) maybe I am a little vain
I can keep the migraines semi manageable with lotsa lotsa drugs..............but this annoys me as my liver is supposed to filter the drugs that I have to have to counteract the drug induced symptoms that I am suffering from and then I have more stuff for the staph infection.
It seems some days are just a vicious circle but we all have days like these huh?
You maybe don't look as beautiful as I do on these days but none the less we all have them ;-)

I would give you a big cheesey grin but it would hardly be as dramatic now would it?
SOooooo I will leave you with that cutie up the top of this post and go to sleep smiling and dreaming of the photos that get takin when I have on lots of make-up and look

Peace and MOST of all HEALTH

Prayers and Blessings_ Laughter and Hugs_ OH and Make-Up Yay

PS. Are these Webdings a secret?????????? I just found them how Kool abcdefghikjlmnoqwertyupzxn,./';[=23456=`/1

Its always brighter on the other side

I captured this amazing storm drowning out the beauty of this sunset when I was on the boat last. This photo is just as I took it. It just so happens I am on the dark side caught in an ugly storm at the moment with my health but I have my eye on the beauty that still holds the light on the other side.
I will focus on that until this yukky bit has passed.
I am grateful for the sunsets
I am grateful for seeing my baby boy Kyle (18yrs) for the first time in months and I love and miss him so deeply it was hard to let go when he left.
I am grateful that I can still smell his aftershave and the hint of perspiration on his neck that reminds me he is now a young man. No matter if hes 6ft1 tall.
I am grateful he will always be my baby to me.
I am grateful for Lyndell, who had my girls for a few days and they had a ball riding motor bikes with the boys (Mmmmm)
I am grateful there were only a few scrapes and no brakes ...... Wink
I am grateful for my sister who always knows with great timing to pick the girls up so they don't spend their holidays bored with me being too sick to get out of bed.
I am Grateful for Ben because no matter what he makes me laugh and Laugh and LAUGH
I am grateful for tea it helps me feel better and relax.
I really do have so much but this is all the energy for me for now.
I am grateful for my soul sista Deb she warms my Heart.
I will be extra grateful when I talk to my sweet bek. (I love you sweetness)
I am grateful I was able to write this much and bless you all.
Peace Health and Happiness To All xxxx

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ramblings and Questions and no right answers.....

Intuition: noun
1. Intuitive cognition: feeling, hunch, idea, impression, suspicion.
2. The power to discern the true nature of a person or situation: insight, instinct, intuitiveness, penetration, sixth sense.

Do you trust your intuition?
Do you have good intuition?
Do you follow it?

I am having trouble trying to put my thoughts into words as they are curdled in my head (Mmm drugs). Essentially, I have always thought that I have good intuition. I trust my initial feelings about people and accept if my opinion is wrong; however, it has usually been pretty spot on.
I have been questioning though whether I really follow my rules of thought process or sometimes I follow through because I think it is expected of me.
I don’t always deal with confrontation in a way that is beneficial to me. I am the first to stand up for injustices against anyone or anything other than myself. In addition, I have been known in my younger days to literally fight for friends and family. In the same context, I have allowed myself to be used and taken for a ride and walked over on more than one occasion.
I am trying to change that and tell myself I am worth standing up for. Self-respect, self-preservation and self-destruction have been an intermingled alliance and argument that has challenged me through my life. I cannot quite figure out if I actually followed my intuition or went against it and am I only seeing this in hindsight. I do think I knew most times which way to go but was too afraid to say in case I was wrong and I hurt some one's feelings. I always try to find the good so I over look my intuition to give the benefit of the doubt. It would be nice to have enough faith in my self to go with my gut and not question myself to the point of distraction and so therefore, I make the wrong decision based on wanting to think positive or trying to find the good in everyone. I have strength and I have faith in myself when it comes to not giving up pushing me to the limit and being pretty darn tough. Why can’t I stand up for my rights unless someone is in my face? Unless there is, defensiveness and abuse I tend to not to stand up for me even if I know I am right. Let us just say I go with let sleeping dogs lie. All though if the tables were turned, I would be the first to step up in defence of someone I care about with full force and guns blazing. I am sure you are wondering where I am going with this and I am sure it all sounds like a lot of shit and I do not have any real point to it all except that I have to decide to let something go or grow some balls and tackle it head on. New wounds have been opened by a letter from the Crematorium where my Uncles ashes are. I have had very vivid dreams about his request for me to pursue a copy of his will from the
Bitch(I am not up for this after what she did), I just do not think I am ready to trust my intuition and just do it though.
Am I questioning what I know to be true?
Is it because I want it to be or is it because I know it is.
My latest dilemma, do I let sleeping dogs lie or do I bite the bullet and get a copy of his will.
It is either going to say I am in it like he said I was and she is trying to hide that.
Or I am not in it and I am going to make a fool of myself and she will only be all the more smug. Its not about the money there was none but it is about what he wanted.

What would you do? There is no right answer to this question but its hard to debate this in my head from all prospectives as I only have the one painful memory.

I also have B who wants to rip her heart out for hurting me (Bless him, giggle)

And would this be a bad time to get another Puppy????? (I must be loosing it)

My Bella is now 15months old a needs a friend, Ben thinks I am replacing missing my kids and the nuturing the lonely soul in me with animals.
Maybe hes right but then again there really cute and everyones on a roll with getting a new friend((Bee)) its your fault :) or thats my excuse.
Bens not so convinced but they are so cute. I love staffys

I had to leave on a funny not its not all that bad just another niggle I don't need, so much for stress reduction guys.

Peace and Health To You All XXX

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


The reason I have taken this not so flattering photo of me is because this is the very last picture of me with a pierced tongue.
It is sore and has a lump in it, I have been putting up with it for the last couple of months but enough is enough.
My white cell count is lowerer again now, every inch of me is hurting and my body is under a lot of stress trying to fight to stay well, so this is another sacrifice I am making to try and be healthier and take away any thing that may cause more infection.
I could have done my hair put makeup on had a lovely background and posed.
Would it be any more flattering with my tongue out (I doubt it) sooo I just took it.
This is me looking not so beautiful but hey, this is a monumental occasion also, first my hair and now my tongue piercing. Bit by bit I am letting go of trying to control everything and accept the changes I have to make on this journey. I can admit that its hard, reluctantly, but still, I admit to it so thats a big step for me and I am trying to embrace these changes and accept the process. There are two other piercings that will have to go also but I am not posting a picture of those (smile) It feels strange not having but hey its a small price to pay for feeling better.
So the news from my Doc- My white cell count is lower again but on the bright side, I am coping with the staph infection that is back and I am no worse off than I have been reallllly, so its still day by day and week by week.
Emotionally I am good, physically I am coping and so as far as I'm concerned its all good guys.
I am still smiling I feel blessed to have made it this far and its working.
Peace and Health Everyone xxx

Monday, April 02, 2007


My baby sister Kelly, you gotta love her shes loud, outrageous, shameless, compassionate, giving caring and a huge part of me.
(Her laugh is a shocker though WHOW NeLLY you should hear her, much worse than mine)
We didn't meet until she was 16 and I was 21 when I found my birth mum but she and I clicked right from the beginning with a closeness that has gotten deeper through the years.
I had the pleasure of having all 4 of my nieces and her hubby CJ on Sunday night.
I was responsible for getting those two together and so sometimes I'm thanked and well other times their not so grateful. Giggle.
I miss her so much, her and I are very much a like and tend have the same thoughts when family shits going on so we stick together. LOL .
I am her big sister and she loves me just as I love her.

A you can see she is so way braver than I am my little sis has just shaved her head for the Leukemia Foundation, she wears her hair short anyway but this was still extreme.
I love that she did it it makes me feel like more of a sook.
She is my hero, I love her bravery and she also raised some money for a good cause.
The fact that I have had cancer twice and I am a survivor and as you know have struggled with loosing my hair makes her sacrifice all the sweeter.

Its funny looking at a photo like this though, as we both have a similar shaped face but with all the weight I have put on we look very different now. It was lovely to have them all here the house was alive with laughter and squeals with all the girls running hiding and enjoying each others company.
I miss the laughter of a full house and it really does make me miss my older 2 babes all the more. I have had a shitty week with my health I am just so tired but I cant sleep my body aches like I have a truck parked on me and my head thumps like a jack hammer.
I am however off to the specialist tomorrow so we'll check my bloods and maybe adjust my meds so that I can feel a little better.

I am so grateful for a wonderful weekend. The girls had a great time playing with their cousins and the boys well they were a little bit funny by the time they came to bed. (if you know what I mean) I just wanted to touch base before I try to sleep some more it seems thats all I ever do these days but they say thats good. (keeps me out of trouble so I can't complain, smile)

Well I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and your week is full of good health and joy.

Blessings and Laughter is my Prayer for you all xx