Thursday, May 22, 2008

This was only a week ago we were happy smiling and loving each other.
My heart is breaking; my life has been turned upside down by one senseless act of a man hating woman on a mission to kill. I have had maybe 4 hours sleep since Saturday night and it is showing. The cracks are starting to appear my body is giving way my mind won’t shut down and my heart is beating so fast I feel as though people can see it protruding from my chest.

Today Ben is a lot better, yesterday we thought he may have to have more surgery but all is going well and that seems not to be the case. I left him today for a few hours,while he was asleep, it was just after lunch and I drove to the office were I witnessed first hand the security footage of the man I love more then life its self be stabbed in the chest by a complete stranger who wanted someone dead as pay back for what I am presuming to be all the pain in her pathetic useless life.
I watched this woman receive conversation, time and respect right before she shoved a 6 inch serrated steak knife into my Ben's chest. He was unsuspecting of the motives of this woman and the look of shock and dismay on his face will forever haunt me.

In saying this he remained calm composed and lucid, he told his friend to grab this woman as she walked away smiling while Ben instructed him that she had just stabbed him. He then steadied himself took his radio from his belt called a code red and asked for an Ambulance informing another guard he had been stabbed, he then proceeded to put his radio back on his belt and started to walk towards the guards who were frantically running to his aid and trying to keep the crowds away.

I am amazed at his calmness and so proud of his strength. I watched it over and over and over again. It was so quick and there seemingly was no threat from this woman until she did it. The knife was in her hand and her hand in her bag as she approached him. She was ready but so calm in her actions. He didn’t stand a chance there was no warning and no indication of her intentions. It is still so raw, so surreal and so frightening to think that this one person could have taken him from us in no less then the blink of an eye with no reason or provocation.
The boys have been amazing, there level of support endless and I will be forever grateful for his true mates as they surely saved his life.

It’s my first night home to actually sleep as I need to stay strong for the days and weeks ahead but he guilt of not being by his side is over whelming. My kids are holding their own but there devastation is evident.

I am strong but the feeling of how close I came to never holding him close, never kissing his lips, never hearing his voice, and the vision of that knife in his chest as they wheeled him into emergency makes it hard for me to close my eyes.

How do I do this?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Update 1

Just a short note to let you know that Ben is OK all though still in a serious condition.
This is my first trip home i haven't slept in 4 days and I am starting to fade.
I will get a few hours sleep now while Ben's parents are up there before I return.
He is still being his cheeky self but she did get him good it was totally crazy she has a screw loose.
Ben had never met her before.
I will fill you in more when he is home.
It will be a long recovery but your prayers and thoughts are helping and also putting my mind at ease and I thank you all so much for that.

As you could imagine the media are ridiculous and the Police by no surprise are assholes and I am devastated at some of the reports but I also know that the people who know us also know better than to believe anything that is said on the news and in the papers.

Keep those candles burning and those prayers coming as he needs all the help he can get.

peace and Health XXXX

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Prayers PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need your Prayers again my Ben has been stabbed at work.

It was touch and go but he is ok.

3 hours of surgery to save his life and I am just in a panic so please pray for my baby.

She is YES she is in custody on attempted murder charges.

I will be on to update when I can.

Peace and Health xx

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

SPECIALIST DAY.......The tears are Flowing

Well what do I do ?????????????????????


Or all of the above. This is the question I ponder tonight. I have a gamut of emotions right now my head is spinning.
This time last year was horrendous to say the least and reading back the tears and emotional memories flood over me like a high tide.This is what I was feeling this time last year.

Edit; I kind of feel like a mushroom at the moment, kept in the dark and surrounded by shit. I cant remember what the "they" say but you get the picture.
My head is heavy with another migraine that I just cant shake and my body is twitching in pain. I am so over being sick today, my chest hurts and my head nearly explodes when I cough.
The infection is in my chest up my nose down my throat on my damn ass and leg, I am already on antibiotics but I am not getting all that much better at the moment. I spent the day in bed sleeping and trying to pray and focus on feeling better. I had a pain in my liver that dropped me to my knees and I am not sure why. (it is gone now)
Is it treatment? is it the drugs that I take to counteract the side effects or is it something else?
I don't run to the doctor willy nilly and I rarely go unless I know whats wrong with me because I don't trust them usually, some are great, others not so good, so I try to be aware of whats going on first.
As far as I can tell this is part of the process, my white cell count is leaving me open to infection and that's what I have. I just don't want to have get to the point where I am in Hospital as I will end up worse. I feel infection is a huge problem in Hospitals even in quarantine so I want to avoid it if possible. I refuse to dose reduce unless its a matter of life and death and it wont come to that so I don't want to sound too over dramatic.
I will not venture out too much except when I have too, coming into winter here brings with it colds and flu's that I cant afford to catch anything.
So much for not having a whinge hey?
Well anyway I wont do it tomorrow. I will fill you in on my trip to Brisbane and talk about whats coming up in the next few weeks as I am pretty busy (so I have to be well)
Peace and Health To All XXXX

So there you have it not a good day back then but today is different.
All of my days lately are just getting bettter and better.
Today I feel good, my skin is glowing and my chest is clear, I have no migraines, my hair is growing, my mind is clearing and I don't cringe when I roll over in bed and I can plan days even weeks in advance.
Now I know that sounds mundane but for me I cherish every little thing I can do and I thank God daily for this.

Well I am getting to the reason why I am writing all of this it is probably because as you know my specialist appointment for my final results was today. Ben and I went to the appointment with little reservation we were sure I was going to be fine and as it turns out my friends I am.




My friends I am cured, I am so Happy I could bust.

I am just so emotional right now I can hardly breath.

All my Prayers were answered with the big smile on my doctors face and those words that told me that the last 12 months were worth it, all the pain, all the emotions and all the tears were worth it my friends.

I have to say a huge Thankyou for all your encouragment and support you were all so good to me i have been Blessed with so much and I just can't stop smiling or crying for that matter. So my friends that part of my journey is over I have conquered another life threatening illness and I am feeling so grateful for everyday of my new healthy life.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

We are Back.................

Our first night at the hotel just before dinner. I can not wait to make this man officially my husband. We have been through a lot together and have come through it all still loving each other and still laughing. He is a good man with a big heart and I am blessed to have him in my life. We have a special connection through thick and thin.

We got up at 5 am for these pictures of the most gorgeous sunrise.

This sunrise was were we counted our blessings of Love and Life.

This is a great place to do nothing at all

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face the whole time I was away.Ben was just gorgeous we loved our time together.

The Hotel was amazing.
The beach and the weather BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!

I am Back......................
I had an amazing time it was wonderful...............................
My holiday didn't end there I flew to Yeppoon on the last day to spend my baby sisters 30th birthday with her. All 3 sisters together running a muck I had a blast. The place didnt know what hit them thats for sure. giggle
Check out the tan also the girls were very jealous lol
It certainly looks better then the pale and insipid look I had during treatment.
Tomorrow is D day The last of my test results are in and I find out if I am cured I promise to keep you posted.

Prayers and Blessings to All of you xx

Friday, May 02, 2008

5 Days of Bliss for Ben & I

I have been Playing with my camera and my number 3. What do you think????

The make-up was a little much in the bottom picture but its a girl thing.

And we had fun which is what its all about.

I am off in 2 sleeps to spend five whole days alone with my Baby.
Ben and I need a break its been nearly 3 years since we have been away ALONE together so it is well overdue. I am jumping out of my skin with excitement.
We are going down to the Gold Coast and staying here at the Sheraton.

It is beautiful and we will have a great time doing nothing and everything and anything we want.
I have actually been saving for a while for this so its luxury and first class all the way.

I am going to take lots of pictures walks along the beach, eat heaps of yummy food and drink cocktails by the pool. I think I have internet down there so if I do I will post pics.

Sounds like a tough gig hey?