26th of September 2001 is a date Il never forget this day changed my life forever. Now normally when I start a post this way I continue on to talk about a devastating event that shattered my world. This post is different on this day 6 years ago I looked into the eyes of a man I fell in love with instantly. In fact I knew I loved him even before we met.
I had just got the internet and was a complete novice but it was a year and a half after I left an abusive marriage and I wanted to upgrade my skills and enter into a world of something new that I had heard so much about. I was finally content with just my kids and I but after they were in bed I would chat online to strangers from all over the world and also locally.
I never dated all though there were many opportunitys but I wasn't about to compramise the up bringing of my children by adding new men into there lives because it just wasnt me.
It was a tough time money wise and they were still adjusting to the divorce but I enjoyed talking and reading and getting familiar but in an anonymous way. When i first left i was a mess and my kids suffered terribly with my eratic behaviour but I was finally at a point were I was just happy and content.
I had never met anyone that I spoke to online and no intentions of ever doing so. Then my girlfriend and I were chatting when a particular person stood out, he sounded kind hearted and very sweet there was no exchange of pictures just a lot of talk we got to talk regularly and for hours and she ended up letting him call. She dated frequently off the net and because she signed in on my computer he thought she was me sometimes. It was funny because she arranged to meet him one night and I chickened out I awas such a sook and quite happy to babysit her daughter and stay at home with the kids while she enjoyed a some what colourful social life.
They met on the 25th of september and he was shocked when he met someone who was the opposite description of me. He questioned her and she fessed up that I was at home. They got on really well but he wanted to meet me so the next day was his birthday and I went with her to pick up a friend to go out or so I thought. I had no idea it was our Islander77.
We stopped at the ferry and this tall well built gut started walking towards the car he was exactly as he described and I punched her in the arm out of shock and said this better not be who I think it is. She proceeded to laugh and snort and say GOTCHA.
I was very shy and could feel my cheeks getting redder with every step closer as he jumped in the back seat. They said hello as I was frozen to the seat cursing under my breath a hand came from behind me extended in introduction, I turned and looked into the biggest greenest eyes I had ever seen my hand shook his, slipping off as my palms were so sweaty my heart beating 100miles an hour and I stuttered out a Hi.
I laughed nervously and said it was a surprise to meet him that I had no idea he was coming.
He just smiled and said it was good to finally meet me as well. I turned to the front giving my friend an evil eye and a slight poke of my tongue as we headed back to our side of town .we chatted as I sat nervously trying to catch a glimpse of his reflection in the mirrors. Then I started to panic. He wasn't coming to stay at my damn house, now I was Ga Ga but not stupid I didn't know him, he was a stranger and I wasn't having a strange man near my kids but I did kinda know him and pretty well, well enough to know I was in love with a stranger but not well enough to have him in my house.
Typing and chatting can't tell you that you can trust someone. What the hell was going on this was weird I had butterflys and nervous laugh. He stayed at my friends house and I spent the whole night wondering what they were talking about. I didnt sleep a wink.
But his eyes OMG those big green eyes told all. I seen to the depths of his soul and knew he was just what he portrayed it took no time at all but my heart melted for this man that I met online.
We spent the next day talking and talking and more talking we just clicked he was just as I imagined, I was scared that I could fall for someone so quickly there were so many things against us in my mind and I tried to play it cool. PFtTTT he knew he could see straight through me. He could also see my pain and my reluctance to form a relationship. I had made many mistakes and my kids were my first priority.
The next 3 weeks was amazing though we really got to know each other well and found we had the same principles and thoughts on almost everything. I let him meet my kids and he stayed over on the weekends but on the couch and he didn't mind a bit. We have been together ever since and I wouldn't change a thing, we have grown together laughed and cried together and we have loved together through the best and the worst of it all. He is what i dreamed a man would be all though we have had tough times we are both stubborn and we have our future as a common goal and our Love for each other and our family. How did a broken hearted mother of four who has so much baggage snag such an amazing man.
I still ask myself how and why but I believe we were and are meant to be a family and we will make it official on September 27 2008 after 7 years together. I was never going to re-marry once was enough but we live as a married committed couple and we want this and in 12 months time it will be official. He asked me twice before I said yes, most men would of given up on this girl but not Ben he was just as hooked as I was and we have made it work and I am so grateful for his persistence.This treatment has been a true test for us but it has only made us stronger and we appreciate each other all the more for it.
My prayer is that my children find a partner that is as loving and as special as their new daddy.
He would do anything for me and our kids and they adore him just as much as i do.
Peace and Health To All xxx
I sometimes feel that way but not tonight Kyle left for Brisbane as he starts a new job Ben is working security in at Noosa (that scares the hell out of me) and the girls are in Yeppoon with my sisters and my birth mum. The silence is deafening and I miss the laughter and the hectic scenes of my Family. I should be taking advantage of the stillness enjoying the coolness of the night after the very warm days but I'm unsettled and dare I say NO I'm not bored I swear you know that word erks me I'm just displaced. I have been looking at wedding dresses and wedding stuff on line and I am apprehensive what dress what flowers what kind of ceremony now I know we want low key something maybe on the beach relaxed and casual. I am excited for the first time though about the day, setting a date, no matter that its a year from now. I am trying to picture it and I cant I am so indecisive and so is Ben hes one not to think too much about it until its closer but I want for once in my life to be organised. With this I laugh as I am so not organised as much as would love to be its not in my nature and I work really well under pressure. Planning shmaning I am so not good at it. I am not traditional in the sense of this huge Gala affair I like low key small groups and relaxed times.
